


Hosts of Innuendos

by DaxDingus



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: AU, Awkward Lunches, Body Dysphoria, Fluff, Gen, Slight Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-08 14:25:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaxDingus/pseuds/DaxDingus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sexuality had never been a large part of Ezri Tigan's life. That is until she became joined with Dax.</p><p>Now to Ezri's horror, even having lunch with Kira is proving difficult without thinking about <i>certain</i> activities.</p><p>~</p><p>Character exploration of Ezri Dax in a slight AU where she lived on Deep Space 9 before becoming joined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hosts of Innuendos

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a based off an AU of TheLadyEm's which you can see art and back story [here](http://maketreknotwar.tumblr.com/post/73084557346/story-so-the-past-week-or-so-ive-been-thinking/). 
> 
> The main difference of this AU from canon is that Ezri Tigan was working as the counselor on Deep Space 9 before becoming Ezri Dax. 
> 
> Thank you Em for letting me use the idea for this fic and she graciously let me write something for it. And to Tinsnip, who encouraged me to write, and if not for her I wouldn't have even thought to try it out!
> 
> Thank you to Tinsnip and JamieKinosian for being my betas.
> 
> Trigger warnings include cisexist views, and body dysphoria. I'm hoping to expand on the story in later chapters for Ezri to discover things beyond just her assigned gender.

It wasn’t that Ezri Tigan didn’t notice other people in a sexual way before, it’s just that it wasn’t something that ever seemed to hold her attention. At least, not until she had gotten to know a particular person and then sexual attraction might follow. Like the man she had dated briefly on the Destiny. But the average stranger? Definitely not.

In the past she had other things that were in her immediate attention. She was either wrapped up in work, or trying to ignore the last unpleasant conversation with her mother. But it never occurred to her that suddenly after being joined with Dax that sexuality would play such a huge role in her daily life, because it just _hadn’t_ before.

Juggling eight lifetimes worth of sexual experiences (or lack of experience) had been frustrating and confusing for the newly joined Ezri Dax. It was damn confusing to not be sure who she was any longer and pronoun confusion was only one side effect. Sometimes she felt like Ezri Tigan, others she felt the completeness of Dax, but more often than not she heard and felt either a voice or an impulse that was unmistakably one of her past hosts. It took all of Ezri’s self-control to not submit to the desires, although she didn’t always win the battle.

Before, when she was out in public, people moved as shadows and voices. But now she could feel the sensation of everyone in the room, the heat from their bodies and the reaction of her own. Sometimes Tobin would yelp at the sight of a beautiful woman, or Curzon would growl at a young man walking past their table.  Ezri would start to worry that she might be uncomfortably showing their desire as well before remembering that she had, in fact, woken up as a woman that morning.

Some days it was almost impossible to interact with other people who she knew not only as Ezri Tigan, but also as Jadzia, and sometimes even as Curzon. Out of all her hosts, they were certainly the loudest. It was unnerving, for example, to walk into a restaurant and see someone like Worf. He had always intimidated her in the past, his towering figure nearly casting a shadow on her small form. But she knew through Jadzia that the face softened with love and also growled fiercely with desire. And she was _not_ going to have those memories right now, _thank you very much_ _Jadzia._ Turning on her heel, with her face on fire, she went in another direction.

But today, to Ezri’s relief, had been going rather well. Right now, she was with Kira at Quark’s bar. No distracting memories, no endless babbling, just a nice conversation. Granted, the technique to achieve this wasn’t entirely effective. Ezri forced herself not to make direct eye contact with Kira. It helped not to recall Jadzia’s vivid memories. Although, if Jadzia really wanted to say something, she damn well was going to be heard.

In the past, Ezri had only known Kira offhandedly as her superior officer and occasional patient. However, shortly after becoming joined, the shift from co-worker to friend was so _easy_ it startled Ezri. But Jadzia whispered soothing comfort of Kira’s acceptance of _all_ of Dax. An echo of attraction, deep affection, and admiration would surface for the powerful and playful woman Jadzia had grown to know. That is, until the confidence was smothered by her anxiety again.

Near the end of their lunch together, Ezri’s concentration was starting to become distracted. Jadzia wanted to say something. Kira was leaning into the table with a slight smile on her face, like she knew what was happening inside her head. And that’s what set it over the edge, eye contact or not.

 _I know that smile._  

Jadzia and Kira had been sharing Bajoran spring wine that night while they talked and lounged on the couch. Kira’s smile had shone beautifully with the flush on her cheeks. They would be tasting _other_ things that night as well… 

 _Shh, stop that, Jadzia. Kira and I are talking._  

Ezri wasn’t sure if talking in her own head to the hosts actually helped, but she felt like it did. 

“Kira... I mean Nerys. I was just...” Her hands gestured in a vague direction. “I was lost in thought again. Did you say something earlier?”

Kira narrowed her eyes and leaned back into her seat. Her smile still stretched lazily across her face.

“I was asking how your recent paper about the use of that drug, I don’t remember the name of it,  for claustrophobic patients went. I know you said you were worried about it being reviewed by your peers on Trill.”

“Oh right! The drug, it was called Asinolyathin. Well, the review, went, uh…”

Something had caught her eye right behind Kira. They were sitting at a table that gave Ezri the perfect vantage point to see people walking in. She wasn’t sure who was responsible for making her sit in this spot, because _she_ certainly didn’t have the desire to people watch. She heard a giggle from Emony.

The person that had caught her eye was moving to the bar. His figure was sturdy and large. He held himself with presence and was relaxed. His eyes pierced through his heavy brow bone, and although he was mostly bald, the little hair he had was endearing.

Ezri groaned.

“Was it really that bad, Ezri?”

“What? Oh, no! It’s not that! It’s happening again, Kira -- I mean, Nerys! It’s… I…”

Heat rose to Ezri’s cheeks. She attempted to mask her face by hiding behind her hand.

“What? What is it, Ezri? You can tell me. Is it your space sickness again?”

Kira reached over and put a reassuring hand on top of her own. Ezri squeaked at the touch. The physical contact opened a floodgate of intense memories. Other heat that she and Kira had once shared in the privacy of her, _no Jadzia’s_ , quarters surfaced with it.

Her blush only grew, and now the heat was traveling lower...

_No. No. No! Not here! Kira and I are having a good lunch, I don’t want any of you spoiling it._

Not for the first time since being joined, she was grateful that she was a woman, and her rising libido was not shown so obviously on her figure. Curzon harrumped.

 _Wait, was that a hint_ _of_ _Odo’s sarcasm in there?_ Ezri thought it must be left over from when Odo and Curzon had been briefly joined.

She _felt_ an eyeroll.

_Shut up, old man!_

“No... No, it’s Jadzia and Curzon, mostly Jadzia. She would always use tell me -- me as in Ezri Tigan, not Ezri Dax, you know -- because she does like to talk inside my head as well.” She knew she was rambling, but it was rather impossible to control sometimes. “Anyway! She talked about who she was eyeing, who she thought was attractive, and I never understood, because I’ve just never seen people in that way before. But now…”

Ezri peeked through her fingers from the hand smashed against her face and unintentionally locked onto Kira’s gaze.

The eye contact was kept a little too long.

She saw Kira take a small breath in. Ezri pulled her hand away from her face. She haphazardly flailed it around, gesturing at the Promenade, but the hand buried underneath Kira’s did not move.

“Now I can’t help but see almost everyone in that kind of way! This never happened when I was unjoined!”

Kira stared back. A smirk started to twist at the corners of her mouth.

“So who is it?” Kira motioned her head to the side of their table. “Is it that Bajoran man over there? Or maybe the Andorian woman he’s talking to?”

Kira’s hand still hadn’t left hers. Ezri swallowed hard to try and force down her embarrassment. Her throat was dry. She wasn’t sure if it was just that one man by the bar she was looking at anymore.

“No, no… It’s neither of them.”

Ezri felt sick. She was sure she could feel the station spinning around while seated. She cursed Torias for feeling guilty _again._

And Kira looked back. Her eyes flickered over Ezri. Kira hesitated before she asked again in a soft voice.

“Then who?”

Ezri mouth opened but nothing came out. Kira’s eyes were questioning. Did she know? And she had the impulse to say it was Kira.

Ezri practically yelled out a name.

A few seats stirred around her as they looked at their table. But who did she say? Was it the man at the bar? Ezri wasn’t sure if those straggling hairs looked so cute anymore. Or had she said Kira’s name? She couldn’t even remember.

Kira’s eyebrows raised in utter confusion.

_Oh god, no, I did say her name._

And whatever reaction Ezri was thinking Kira would have, out of all the possible awful scenarios that ran a thousand times over all the friends she had lost in every lifetime, it hadn’t been this.

Kira began to laugh.

And not just any laugh, the rare, full hearty laugh Jadzia knew. Once it got started, it wasn’t easily stopped.

“Morn? Morn?! You really haven’t changed at all, have you Dax?”

Kira withdrew her hand, and started to laugh harder. Ezri felt her face cool as the puff of air she hadn’t realized she was holding escaped her lungs. Ezri was shocked that she hadn't said Kira's name, but rather the man that had started this whole mess when he had walked into the bar.

She started to laugh too.

And soon they were both holding their sides. And Ezri wouldn’t have to worry about looking out for people to watch, because they were all staring at the hysterical Bajoran first officer and Trill counselor holding their sides as they buckled over.

Ezri felt some of her natural confidence surface again. Not just Ezri Tigan’s confidence, but Dax’s confidence, all while wiping tears away from laughing.

And maybe she didn’t have to battle each impulse. Maybe she would find a balance. Maybe the memories could still fill her with emotion, but that didn’t mean they were her, _Ezri Dax’s_ , emotions, just those of her past hosts.

And maybe, _just maybe_ , this being joined thing wouldn’t be as bad as she thought it was going to be.

She heard a murmur of agreement.

 


End file.
